Here’s 10 Reasons Why January Divorce Filings Are So High

Infidelity RelationsJanuary seems to be a big month for divorce filings.  What can some of the reasons be?

10) Wait until after the holidays so they don’t ruin everyone else’s
festive spirits.- Your family looks forward to being together for the
holidays so for your kids or family you wait to file for divorce until

9) Too much fighting over the holiday season that pushed you over the
edge. You and your spouse fought about everything over the holidays.
Whose family to spend which holidays at, how much to spend on gifts,
putting up decorations & taking down decorations, cleaning up, and
cooking, You felt too much unnecessary stress and think it’s time to go
your separate ways.

8) Letting go of old baggage in the New Year. Your New Year’s resolution
is to improve your life including eating healthy, exercising, losing
weight, getting a better job, and getting out of a miserable marriage.

7) Filling taxes for the New Year separately, not jointly. You thought it
would be easier to file separately for a complete year instead of jointly
for part of the year.

6) You felt underappreciated during the holidays. Your spouse didn’t get
you a nice gift for the holidays or ignored you. Your husband expected
you to clean up for guests, cook, serve, and clean up again. Your wife
expected you to put up decorations, take down decorations, and drive her
everywhere to pick up gifts. You now want to do things on your own
schedule or find someone who will communicate and work together as a team.

5) You have been looking into divorce and saw that Jan was one of the
highest months for divorce filings. After considering divorce you read
articles or saw news reports that many people file for divorce in January
and decided it must be a good time to file.

4) You discussed your marital issues with friends and family over the
holidays and they pushed you toward divorce. Over the holidays you met
with friends and family and told them some of the issues you were
experiencing in your marriage. Some have gone through divorce or know
others who have gotten divorced and after consulting with them you decide
it’s the right choice for you.

3) You don’t want to spend the winter months stuck indoors with your
spouse. The fighting was bad during the summer months and you feel
anxiety about being confined with your spouse during the cold months. You
can’t stand to be around each other too long and know it will be miserable
being indoors with him or her.

2) Your spouse spent lots of money that you don’t have during the
holidays. The credit card bill came and there were thousands of dollars
of gifts on the statement or lots of money was withdrawn from the bank
account around the holidays. Your spouse bought stuff behind your back
that you know you can’t afford and it’s putting you more in debt. This
wasn’t the first time but it will be the last time. You won’t put up with
financial infidelity anymore.

1) You discovered your spouse was cheating on you during the holidays.
Your spouse snuck out to meet his or her lover for the holiday and you saw
the text or email or overheard the conversation. You found a receipt for
a hotel or motel, or a present that your spouse could explain who he/she
gave it to but you know they were being unfaithful. You can’t stand to be
with your cheating spouse, consult with an attorney and file for divorce
in January.

Infidelity Terminology 101

apple and booksWhen I first started researching infidelity I used the words infidelity, adultery, affair and cheating interchangeably, but I realized there are some specific differences when used in association with committed, romantic relationships and/or marriages. I’m not sure people give this much thought, I thought I would. The basic breakdown is as follows:

Infidelity: lack of sexual faithfulness or disloyalty, breaking a promise (formally or informally) to remain faithful to your partner, and a violation of the rules of being faithful.

Cheating: to be sexually unfaithful.

Adultery: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse.

Affair: a secret sexual relationship between two people.

A footnote to all of the above; definitions can also include romantic friendships, passionate or emotional attachments and all sorts of electronic and social media dalliances. Perspectives and progress brings their own set of terms.

Now, let’s take a closer look at the defined words.

  • Infidelity can be perpetrated by someone who is married or not.
  • Cheating can occur between someone who is married or not.
  • Adultery is only committed by a married person.
  • An affair can be carried out by married or unwed individuals, whereas an extramarital affair consists of having sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her spouse.

As you can see, infidelity and cheating are basically the same and are always present in adultery and extramarital affairs, except in certain circumstances such as open relationships or swinging, whereby sex outside the bond has been discussed and agreed upon.

Adultery and extramarital affairs are similar in that they include sex with someone other than your spouse.

So, there you have it, or at least the gist of it. Make sense? Confused? Either way, it’s probably best not to ever have to use these words in conjunction with your own personal situation. That’s something that definitely deserves serious thought.


This Article on Infidelity Terminology 101 is Written By:

Gary Spivak, Founder Fidelity Dating,

Co-Author: Elda M. Lopez, Author THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR,

Are There Different Levels of Sexual Cheating?

Levels of cheatingSome people may admit that an online or emotional affair is a lower level of cheating than a sexual affair. Others may acknowledge that if your significant other kissed another person that is very bad but still not as bad as a sexual affair.
The follow may be seen as sexual cheating at different levels:

  1. One night stand
  2. Short term affair
  3. Multiple sexual encounters with many different people
  4. An affair that went on for a long time
  5. Cheating that lead to an STD
  6. Cheating that lead to pregnancy
  7. Cheating that lead to a baby

You may not see the severity of cheating in the same order. You may not see much of a difference because cheating is wrong whether it is once or several long term affairs that lead to multiple babies from different partners. Some people do see different levels of sexual cheating, do you?

Life is short. Have an affair?

The largest cheating site’s slogan is “Life is short.  Have an affair.” Maybe life is not so short.  Why should someone have an affair?  If we look at these two sentences in the tagline separately then we may not fully commit to the slogan.

Humans, looking back at the life expectancy 150 years ago would probably agree that life was short back then but since it almost double maybe life isn’t so short comparatively.  In the last seven decades people in the US probably live about 15 year longer.  Demographics and gender are just two of the factors that can determine life expectancy.

How long we have on this Earth is all in the perspective.  Someone in their teens or twenties may think they have a long time to live.  Someone in their 70s or 80s reflecting on their life may think it went by in a blink of the eye.

Some of the early quotes on “life is short” were to emphasize that we shouldn’t waste our time on trivial things.   We should try to make ourselves better people.  Life is short over the years has taken on new meanings that we can die any day so we should self-gratify.  This motto by the cheating site is to get sexual pleasure without thinking about the consequences if their partner found out.

Why should people have an affair?   There are many reasons not to have an affair including:

  1. Unwanted pregnancy
  2. Sexually transmitted diseases
  3. Hurting others
  4. Breaking up families
  5. Spending money on moving, divorces, etc..
  6. If you get caught you are labeled a liar and cheater
  7. Possible physical confrontations/fights

The tagline “Life is short. Have an affair” may be misguided because life expectancy is increasing and if life is short doing something positive may be better than doing something many believe is immoral.  Having an affair can have many negative consequences so it may be better not to have an affair.

Why People Don’t Cheat?

ring picA person fantasizes about being with another person but doesn’t act upon it.  An attractive individual asks you out but you say “no” because you are already in a relationship.  Why is it that some people don’t cheat?


Some may fear getting caught.  Others know they will feel extremely guilty.  There are those who know it would be wrong because they are in a committed relationship and those who believe that it may cause problems.  Religion may be a factor.  Environment may be the answer.  If someone has friends, relatives, and co-workers who talk about being faithful or how it’s wrong to cheat then that person will find it less socially acceptable to cheat.  Some may also realize how it will destroy their partner if they ever found out or even suspected infidelity.  There are those who believe the potential lover is something you want but you know what you have with your current partner and it’s not worth jeopardizing.


If we all follow the golden rule and “do onto others as you would have them do onto you,” then there would be a lot less infidelity.  Some people cheat while others don’t.  Some believe when you go astray you not only cheat on your partner you also betray yourself.  Those who don’t cheat may want to or fantasize about cheating but they don’t go through with it for various reasons.  There are many people who remain faithful in their relationships and that is something to be celebrated! vs Cheating Sites

Infidelity can initiate anywhere. At work, on a business trip, or online.   There are over 1000 sites that help people who are married or in relationships hook up with others who are in relationships. It is estimated that over 100 million people in the US have cheated or have been cheated on.


Weeding RingsCheating sites look at this huge infidelity pool as their target market. They provide an online dating platform for those who are in a relationship with the intent of having an affair. looks at the same data and tries to help those who have been cheated on connect with others who have been cheated on because they understand and can relate to each other. and cheating sites are two sides of the same coin. They both target the infidelity market but in different ways. One side propagates cheating. The other promotes being faithful. The cheating sites make it easier to have affairs. Affairs destroy lives and leaves the ones who were cheated on mistrustful. The site builds relationships and trust after the devastation of being cheated on.

Online Dating Outside Societal Sexual Norms

What does society view as a normal relationship?  A great husband, wonderful father, and a cheater?  A woman who is smart, successful, and dating a guy half her age?  We all see it on tv, movies, and in real life but it may seem off the beaten path for many.

We all know there are dating sites for all types of niches.  Dating sites were first created to help match people based on different criteria as potential partners.  Online dating morphed into anything goes.  Is this the new norm and is it acceptable to the general public?  The following non-traditional dating sites have large numbers of members:

Ashley Madison- 30 million plus members.  A dating site for people already in relationships who want discreet encounters.

Gleedon- 2.3 million members.  Extramarital dating site by women that caters to women.

Illicit Encounters- 1 million members.  Dating site for married people.

Adult Friend Finder- 30+ million members.  A dating site to find a sex partner.

Cougar Life- 6.5 million members.  A dating site for older women to date younger guys or young guys to date older women.

Seeking Arrangement- 3.6 million members.  Young attractive women get pampered by older wealthy men.

What’s Your Price- 650,000 members.  Wealthy men bid to date attractive women.

Some in society may have a traditional view of relationships.  Two people meet that are a similar in age, fall in love, and get married.  These traditionalists may view people who date for just sex, money or companionship with older or younger mates, while in committed relationships, as outside societal norms.

Even though dating sites were created to help match singles but morphed over time there is a new dating site that is really there to help. was created to help infidelity survivors and those seeking faithful partners connect.  With all the online dating sites some may find offensive it’s great to see an online dating site with good intentions.

Top Dating Site for Infidelity Survivors

There are over 1000 dating sites for those who want to cheat including the largest one with over 30 million members as of 11/2014.   There are sites and articles dedicated to listing the top cheating sites but there are no articles or lists naming the top dating sites for those who have been cheated on.

holding hands in parkThere are no lists of the top dating sites for those who have been cheated on because there is only one site: is the only site that helps the tens of millions of people devastated by infidelity find others who share similar experiences.

There are infidelity/cheated on forums, articles, books, therapists, and other help. Vast amounts of articles and media coverage exist about how to trust and date after being cheated on. is the only site helping to connect infidelity survivors with each other with the intent to date.

How to Trust and Date After Being Cheated On

Pear CoupleAfter being cheated on or betrayed by a partner it’s hard to trust again. It’s especially difficult to trust someone enough to get close to them. A person who has been betrayed or cheated on never ever wants to go through the stomach aches, sleepless nights, weight loss, and body aches again. They do want to date and fall in love but it is very difficult.


After you start healing from the trauma and get back into healthier routines of sleeping, eating, and exercising you feel like you might be ready to almost try dating. Your mind may say you want to date but the fear may make you hesitate. A survivor of infidelity or betrayal sees and reads about survivors who have found loving partners and that gives them some hope.


When you are finally ready to date where do you go? Do you go to a bar or nightclub? Or do you try online dating? When you start dating you may feel the urge to look over your dates shoulder while they are texting. You might find yourself questioning where your partner was or what he or she was doing. Sadness and mistrust may creep in when you two are watching a tv show or movie where someone is cheating or betraying their loved one. Songs or other triggers may also bring about these feelings.


If you decide to try online dating then which of the 4000 sites do you choose? If you want to join the largest dating site then you would go to If you are looking for the hottest new app try Tinder. If you are looking just for sex rated “Top 10 Hookup Websites”. Their list included AdultFriendFinder,,, and their number one choice was If you are looking for someone you can relate to because he or she went through a similar betrayal then you can join, the dating site for those who have been cheated on or betrayed by a significant other, or those who are seeking a non-cheater.

Time Infidelity

Time InfedilityWhen you think of infidelity the first thing that comes to mind is cheating and affairs.   The second most common infidelity is financial infidelity, which is spending money or incurring debt behind your partners back. Another type of infidelity that most people don’t think about is time infidelity, which is taking time away from your loved one(s) or family. Sometimes sexual and/or financial infidelity goes hand in hand with time infidelity.


When the person participates in activities such as a sexual tryst, shopping or other activities that cost money or incur debt they are taking away time away from the relationship or family.


Time infidelity isn’t always linked with the other two infidelities. A person can go hang out with his or her friends or play video games or some other free hobby or non-sexual activity but it can still have a negative effect on the relationship or family.


A big culprit of time infidelity is technology. Going on Twitter, Facebook or other sites or apps, instead of giving your attention to your significant other, is a major culprit in time infidelity these days. If your phone is more important than who you are with and consumes your attention and focus more than your loved ones and family that would definitely be a time infidelity issue. Being fully present makes such a difference in a relationship.


Time infidelity isn’t new but most people don’t think about it. It’s important to keep up with friends and enjoy your hobbies but don’t betray your loved ones by taking too much time away from them. There is a balance and once you start lying about how you spent your time then it’s a problem.


It’s always best to communicate with your significant other in a kind, thoughtful way if you are feeling neglected or suspect a problem.

1 2